5 Success Myths We Should Stop Feeding Ourselves Right Now

We all, of course, want to be successful. We chase it incessantly, talk, read, write about it, and visualize it. Success feels great, tastes great and can give us an influx of endorphins. It’s a high like no other. So far so good. The culprit, though, is when we mis-interpret what it means to be accomplished and what we must do to get to the coveted sunshine land.

Here are 5 myths which we should stop trumpeting about as they are not the sure path to reaching our dreams:

1. Failure is good for you

Yes and no. We absolutely must deal with our failings stoically, take a note and move on, however, we worship success, not mishaps—we link it directly with individual worth. If someone isn’t thriving per society definitions, their stock doesn’t have much value.

Research from MIT also reveals that we learn more from success than from failure. When we win, our brain cells remember what we did and repeat it the next time around. Failure’s down feelings are stronger than the lesson learned, so the benefit may not be that great.

Admittedly, it’s easy to fall into the “everyone fails” trap and become fascinated by tales of the Silicon Valley wonderboys who started in their parents’ garage, failed a hundred times while working on the world’s next break-through and ended up billionaires.

Failure isn’t always followed by success. Sometimes, it’s just this—unsuccess. Not every downturn has a happy ending. Just be mindful of this before you start cheering up for the failing adage.

“It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation.” – Herman Melville

2. Be yourself

Approach with caution, as it can also mean: “You don’t need to improve, you are perfect just as you are.” The belief that we just happen to be a wonderful respectable person can be a flawed assumption. It proclaims passiveness and dampens the incentive to better our characters. We must seek change and learn to adapt.

Prof. Brian Little’s famous idea of “free traits” states that it’s sometimes necessary that we act as socially desirable, so we can fit in. Not all the time, but enough to get a job done. “Unless you are Oprah, be yourself is a terrible advice,” also believes Prof. Adam Grant. Being our “true selves” can damage our motivation to grow, improve, and can make us feel inferior. Instead, aim to be sincere and strive to be the person you claim to be.

Although there’s value in authenticity, sometimes, a situation calls for a different skill-set, leader or approach. Not adapting (which, for the record, is different than faking it) to these demands is likely to put us on the losing side. Remember Darwin’s theory of evolution?

3. Fake it ‘till you make it

It’s another flawed self-help motto. True, research reveals that acting more assertively can provide many advantages personally and professionally but, all this is telling us is that it pays to be confident.

“Acting out of character,” in the context of “upping our game” or shining as our best selves, is admissible. As in when you need to dazzle everyone while giving a presentation or convince an interviewer to give you the job. Stepping in a Superman suit on such occasions does create a more positive aura for us.

But it’s not sustainable. If you lack confidence, pretending every day that you do isn’t going to make you more confident. Acting as someone you are not is mentally exhausting and puts a strain on your body too. Suppressing your feelings bears the risks of eventually escalating them. But if you believe that you are worthy, as trivial as it sounds, the world will see it too. You won’t have to fake anything, you’ll simply play yourself.

4. If you don’t like your job, just quit. Follow your passion.

The small print to this should read: “Of course, this only works if you don’t have bills to pay, have substantial savings or other means of generating regular income.” So, let’s have a second thought for a moment. According to statistics, between 80% to 90% of the new ventures fail—“follow your dreams” is often not a profitable undertaking.

One option is to remain “a cog in a large wheel”—i.e. work a 9-to-5 job until your side endeavor takes off or focus on what you put your most time and effort on instead, per entrepreneur billionaire Mark Cuban. “Go with your bliss” is a terrible advice, he believes. Although you can be passionate about professional sports, for instance, doesn’t mean you can excel at it personally. So, going after a dream is absolutely worth pursuing but, “free solo” style may not be the best way to reach the mountain top.

“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.” – Colin Powell

5. You can be anything you want

On the surface, it’s powerful—no matter your background, you can still become rich and famous. Take a note from the many rags-to-riches stories. The problem isn’t with dreaming big, it’s with the “anything” part of the advice. As kids, no one told us that we can’t become the next Beyoncé if we can’t sing, or the new Stephen Hawking if we don’t like physics and math.

That is, ask yourself why and how the accomplished individuals you adore have become so good. It’s really simple: because they were born with a certain talent, knack, mojo—whatever you call it. And they built on this foundation and perfected it.

Susan Cain, in her great book, refers to this as the “rubber-band” theory of personality—i.e. we can only stretch ourselves so much. “Bill Gates is never going be Bill Clinton,” she writes, “no matter how he polishes his social skills, and Bill Clinton can never be Bill Gates, no matter how much time he spends alone with a computer.” So, we can be anything we want, but within our expanded personalities.

In the end, the achievement of what we dream of and aspire is a wonderful thing. We do need to talk, read, write and visualize about being successful—that’s how we learn, grow, and how we become our better versions.

But, just because someone tells you how they think you can become prosperous, doesn’t mean that it is so. Success trajectories are often unique and beware of the fallacy of the greener grass.

What are some success myths you used to believe in? Comment below!

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https://addicted2success.com/success-advice/5-success-myths-we-should-stop-feeding-ourselves-right-now/

Do This For 10-Minutes Every Day To Change Your Life.

Small hacks in our life – like daily habits that take ten minutes – are a great way to change your life. The barrier to entry is low and the simplicity makes it attainable – even for people like me who are ultra-simplistic about everything.

Let’s start with 10 minute habits you shouldn’t do. Many of you are doing these and it’s having a major effect on your life.

“It’s always best to start with taking away issues before laying the foundation of new habits”

So here we go – stop these:

 

Comparing yourself to Instagramers.

• Their life is not better than yours, it just looks that way through a color filter and fake lighting
• The practice of comparing will only make you unhappy. Life is not a game measured by age, the level you’re at and how much money you collected when you passed go each week and got paid
• The Internet is not reality; it’s perceived reality that’s distorted for the benefit of anyone who wishes to “MONETIZE”

 

Watching porn while masturbating.

• Don’t pretend you aren’t doing this. It’s okay and admitting it is crucial
• Porn makes you think about sex in a fucked-up way that will ruin your relationships
• The people in the videos you watched have to suffer and not watching it helps them in the long-term (if we stop watching ‘en masse’ that is)
• Orgasming will become harder without porn if you don’t stop
• Real sex is far better than made up porn stories

 

 

Getting angry at traffic.

• Don’t waste your energy on stuff you can’t control
• Use time in traffic to listen to a podcast – problem solved
• Your career is a choice and so is traffic

 

Trading cryptocurrency so you can get rich.

• It’s similar to watching porn and the game never ends
• Of all the things you can trade it’s the riskiest and most addictive
• Even if you do make money, you’ll probably lose it through greed
• Once you’ve experienced lots of money you’ll see (like I did) that meaning and purpose are far more fulfilling
• Following the herd is how you end up financially poor in the long run

 

Binging on junk food.

• We all have hard days at work and suffocating yourself with food is not the answer
• Junk food is another addiction that doesn’t serve you and sucks away the energy you need to live life to the maximum
• Discipline in life is how you reach long-term success. There are no shortcuts and we all experience the same set of feelings and emotions. How you deal with them determines whether you’ll be Elon Musk or Johnny NoName

All the things I listed above are habits that each of us have fallen for – let’s not deny it. Now we know what to avoid, we can look at the other side of the coin.

Adding in a few simple habits that take no time at all will help stack the odds of life in your favor.

“Taking the stairs instead of the lift will always produce better results and it can be fun too!”

Start doing these:

 

Tetris before bed

• Helps to turn the mind off and it’s hard not to focus because you’ll lose the game if you do
• It’s fun and helps stroke the part of your brain that likes things neat and tidy
• Tetris allows you to finish the day completing an activity that you’ll probably do well at
• The more you do this before bed, the better you get. Progress feels good before sleep

 

Napping at lunchtime

• Eat a healthy lunch, so you have time left to nap
• A quick nap gives you a boost of energy and it feels good
• Napping stops the mind chatter briefly

 

Meditate

• Can be done anywhere and helps you recover. Efficient work needs several moments throughout the day where there is recovery. Meditation helps achieve this goal
• Helps bring you back to the present from the brief stops you make a hundred times a day in the future and the past

 

One inspiring Ted Talk (okay that’s 18 minutes – who’s timing, right?)

• Improves your listening skills
• Gain a different perspective
• Challenges your current beliefs
• Opens you up to new ideas
• Gives you titles of books you can read
• It’s entertaining and sometimes funny
• It’s way better than watching Netflix

 

Speak to a homeless person

• Allows you to see how wealthy you are
• Gives you perspective
• Enables you to help, if you wish
• Makes you question the meaning of your life
• Allows you to change someone’s life, if you choose
• Helps you see the harsh effects of drugs (a lot of the time)

 

Write down three things you’re grateful for

• Pushes the mind to override negative thoughts for things that are going right
• It’s a good practice to help you reflect
• Forces you to see the good even on the toughest days
• Lets you journal, if you choose
• Gets you out of your head
• Opens up opportunities to thank people who helped you rock your day

 

Jump on a trampoline or 10 minutes of another physical activity

• Gets your lazy ass moving
• Wakes you up and disrupts your thought patterns
• Has positive mental effects
• Creates energy in the body that translates into fuel that can be used for your goals
• Makes you feel more positive

 

Calming tea before bed (Chamomile or California Poppy Extract)

• Helps relax you before bed
• Gets you to sleep faster
• Promotes a deeper sleep
• Gives you more energy for tomorrow
• Tastes yummy and is a reward for a hard day’s work

This last 10-minutes spent drinking tea has really changed the game for me. I’ve struggled with energy and only just realized it was because of my sleep patterns. A calming tea before bed has helped knock me out and stopped me thinking about the day that just passed.

 

Final Thought

It’s easy to think that changing your life is some mammoth task that you’ll start in a month, year or week from now. You never will. All change starts with something small. Pick one habit above to start with and then see how you go. Add small ten-minute hacks to your day and watch your results multiply.

If all you got from this post was one way to chill, feel good or you saw a negative habit and stopped doing it, then my job is done. Anything more than that is a huge win that you deserve.

Now go out there and change your life!

<<<>>>

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

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https://addicted2success.com/success-advice/do-this-for-10-minutes-every-day-to-change-your-life/

7 Strategic Ways You Can Sharpen Your Concentration Right Now

One of the most important things to have while you are working towards your goal is concentration. This can be hard to do, especially when others around you are convincing you to have fun, or to do it later. By following these 7 strategic tips, you will learn how to overcome the concentration obstacle within minutes.

1. Music

When athletes are about to play their sport, you see them a lot of times with headphones on, and a ‘don’t bother me right now’ look on their face. This is what they do to get focused. They are listening to that song that pumps them up to get them motivated to do their best. It provides them with that winning feeling. Music is known to offer different emotions to certain situations. Use it as an advantage to build your concentration, while preparing to do your best work.

2. Ritual

Having a ritual signals to your mind that you’re about to go into that concentration ‘zone’. Most writers have a ritual they perform before they begin to write. For me, I have a cup of hot tea, while sitting in my favorite chair, doing a puzzle. This gets my mind and body to settle, so that I can sink into writer’s mode. Exploring different rituals can help you naturally ease into your concentration.The great thing about rituals is you can customize them to your benefit!

“Stay focused, go after your dreams and keep moving toward your goals.” – LL Cool J

3. Get In A Good Space

Do you find that you do your best work at the kitchen table or on the living room floor? Lying on your bed or at a desk? Dim lights or sunlight? Your work space contributes a lot to your concentration. If you’re not comfortable where you are, your work could suffer, or not exist at all. Find a space that is suitable to you, but not too comfortable. You want to be able to produce awesome work, not drift off to sleep.

4. Remove All Distractions

Cell phone notifications, or anything that makes you look up when it goes off, remove it or silence it. Various noises interrupts your thinking and your ability to get in the ‘zone’. What can easily take an hour will take 2 hours or more, if you don’t remove anticipated distractions. Distractions take up precious time that could have been used working on your task. Starting over and attempting to get back in the ‘zone’ will be difficult after a distraction has occurred. Get rid of them before you dive into your work.

5. Begin

As simple as it sounds, it’s probably the hardest thing to do. Just begin. Whatever your task is, sit down (or stand up, depending on what the task is) and start. After you begin, you should experience a ‘flow’ in what you’re doing. You’ll be performing your task at a great level, without wanting to stop. The only drawback is that it may not work all of the time, but you won’t know until you begin. The more you follow these tips, the better chances you have of getting into your ‘flow’ every time.  

6. Use Your Emotional Energy

Concentration takes mental energy. Your emotions play a big role in how you concentrate. When you are mad, sad, anxious, or happy, that’s emotional energy. Depending on the type of task you are doing, you can easily channel that energy into your concentration. A songwriter creates their best love song after a break up. That’s using emotional energy to your advantage. Instead of sitting there with all of that energy bouncing around in your mind and body, make it work for you –  ‘concentrate’ that energy towards your task.

For example, if you are mad or stressed out, you can channel that energy into your exercise routine. If you are happy or just received good news, channel that energy into studying for an exam or practicing chess. It’s simply focusing your emotional energy, to enhance the outcome of your goal.

“The biggest challenge is to stay focused. It’s to have the discipline when there are so many competing things.” – Alexa Hirschfeld

7. Mindset

Just like you should get in a good space to improve your concentration, you also have to be in your good mind. This means quieting the negative chatter in your head. Whenever we’re faced with a task, self-doubt creeps into our thoughts. Whether it’s a critical voice or just plain fear, you have the power to turn those judgmental ideas around. You know you can do it and you can do it well. Don’t doubt your own abilities – there are enough people who do that already. Be positive and concentrate on working towards your unlimited potential.

There are many methods that can contribute to gaining and maintaining your concentration. Whether it’s music, a ritual, or just learning how to start, find what works for you. Using these tips will help you concentrate more efficiently, while supporting the task at hand. Allow your ability to concentrate grow you closer towards your goal!

How do you stay focused? Comment below!

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https://addicted2success.com/success-advice/7-strategic-ways-you-can-sharpen-your-concentration-right-now/

How You Can Use the Power of Gratitude to Your Advantage

The word gratitude has been tossed around, but do you know exactly what it means or how to implement it into your life? Someone has probably told you in your life, “Express more gratitude.” Well, that sounds like a great idea, but if you don’t know what gratitude is, how can you fully express it in your life? It’s a concept that once you grasp, it will change your life.

We live such busy lives that we often forget to express thanks for everything around us. You see, gratitude interchanges with the word thanks. Giving thanks and gratitude are synonymous with each other. When you’re expressing gratitude you’re essentially giving thanks for a certain situation. Gratitude is looking for the good in every situation and expressing appreciation. Your appreciation need not be elaborate, something as simple as taking a second out of your day to say thanks in your mind.

When you wake up in the morning, you can take a second to say thanks for your family or your job. Gratitude helps keep your perspectives in check when you start to get down. It’ll allow you to remember why you’re doing what you’re doing in life. Your gratitude should be expressed to something that doesn’t have monetary value.

It’s normal to get caught up in negative thinking. For example, if something didn’t go right at work or the weather has been terrible, you can begin to think negatively. You will never live a good life with negative thinking. Not that you need to look at the positives in every situation because there will be times when negative thinking is relevant. The goal is to decipher when you should be negative and when you should look towards gratitude to get rid of the negative thinking.

If you’re working at a job and something doesn’t work out, it’s easy to become negative. You forget the fact you have a job which means you’re more well off than most people. Gratitude is looking at your negative situation and seeing the good in it.

Have you ever been around someone who is negative? Did you like being around them? Of course you didn’t! How does it feel when you’re around someone who is positive? Doesn’t it feel good to be around them? Take a look at your negative event and see if you can find anything positive. Gratitude allows you to slow down and fully embrace the moment you’re in.

Now that you know what gratitude is, how can you use it to your advantage?

The first step towards using gratitude to your advantage is keeping a gratitude journal. This is something as simple as using your phone to note the good that has happened during your day. You’ll realize that no matter how bad your day is, there is always something positive within it.

The next negative event you encounter after reading this article, try to find the positive in it. Get in the mindset of looking for the positive in the bad. This shift will change your entire world view.

Try to give at least one compliment out per day. This will also shift your mindset towards looking for the positive in every person you come across. You realize that you’ll feel just as good as the person receiving the compliment. When you give someone a compliment without a covert contract, it will make you feel better.

Once you’ve completed the steps above, try going an entire week saying nothing negative. It’s easy to think of something negative but try to restrain yourself from saying it. By your sheer willpower, you will notice just how many negative thoughts you have per day.

The last step towards expressing gratitude in your life is donating your time or money to a cause you deem worthy. You will learn when you spend money or your time on something other than yourself, it will bring you happiness in your life. Gratitude will never be something you buy but rather something you cultivate on a daily basis.

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” – William Arthur Ward

Gratitude also has health benefits

It’s also been scientifically proven that gratitude can provide health benefits. With technology in our hands, it’s easy to become impatient. The more you practice gratitude in your life, the more patient and understanding you can become. When you’re more patient in your life, you can make better decisions. Wouldn’t we all like to make better decisions?

Gratitude can help you get better sleep because you’re no longer thinking about the negative events that are taking place in your life. The reason many people don’t get good sleep is because they’re thinking about negative events as they fall asleep. This causes them to wake up during the night in angst. Gratitude can soothe your nervous system, allowing you to have a more peaceful sleep.

Most importantly, gratitude can give you happiness that lasts. There are tons of things in this world that can give you short bursts of happiness, but wouldn’t you want that happiness to last longer? Gratitude can sustain your happiness because it’s something over the long term and not something that can go away. There will always be something to express gratitude about if you just open your eyes. By taking the time to express gratitude throughout the day, you will notice an overall positive change to your mental state.

Still think expressing gratitude is a little out there? Hear what these successful people have to say about expressing gratitude.

Alan Burak from renowned investment firm, Never Alone Capital said that the power of gratitude has allowed him to reach his full potential in life, expressing his true love and passion each day. How would it feel to reach your full potential? You probably aren’t even close to becoming the person you were meant to be, but expressing gratitude each day can help you get closer to that person.

Lewis Howes, host of the top 100 business podcast School of Greatness said, “It reminds us how lucky we are to have whatever it is that we have–our breath, sunshine, water to drink, a cool breeze.” In a world where we’re always craving for more, gratitude can help you bring joy in the present moment. It’s been said that the best things in life are free and gratitude exemplifies that fact.

“Gratitude is the key to joy; it turns what we have into being enough.” – Lewis Howes

Ryan Holiday, a New York Times best-selling author and practitioner of stoicism said that with the practice of gratitude, you can be thankful for what you have every day instead of once per year. The way to embrace gratitude into your life on a daily basis means to accept whatever happens to you. You no longer get mad at the bad, but figure out how to deal with it. When you feel happiness, you embrace it for as long as possible because you don’t know when that moment will reappear.

Gratitude can have a profound impact on your life, but you need to keep sticking with it. It’s a lifelong practice you need to keep at. Think about how much your life would change if you felt happier and more fulfilled in each second of the day.

How do you practice gratitude every single day? Let us know in the comments below!

from
https://addicted2success.com/life/how-you-can-use-the-power-of-gratitude-to-your-advantage/

10 Principles to Harness Your Self-Confidence That Lives Within You

Self-confidence is an evolutionary journey. It is the accumulation of experiences, new learning and fearlessness. Sometimes you may possess it and not even realize. Being conscious of your own powers and abilities is what allows you to think, speak and act purposefully. You tap into an inner strength and embody courage to succeed. Self-confidence is linked with success as you have more energy and your inspiration comes from within.

No one is immune to slip into bouts of doubt, insecurity and uncertainty, however, it is your choice if you allow it to dictate the conditions of your life. Insecurity plagues people consciously and unconsciously. While the fearful will agonize over decisions and make the safe choices, the confident leader will make the decision quickly and change their mind slowly.

Every time you express your opinion to the world, each time your stand for something you want or every time you take a risk to expand your unfamiliar zone, you are building your own reservoir of confidence which only you can access at any time you choose. It’s yours, you own it.

Self-confidence is a fundamental quality to leaders and it is where leadership grows. To build confidence, you must practice confidence.

Let’s embark on a quest for self-confidence and embody 10 principles to harness your self-confidence that lives within you:

1. Ultimate you

Your essence as a leader is independent of the opinion of others, feels above and beneath no one and is fearless of all challenges. When you embrace your true self, you know within that you can handle whatever happens in life with compassion and certainty as your self-worth is not tied to what others think of you. You purposefully step into being fearless and courageous in all things.

2. True masters, always the student

Allow yourself to be an avid learner. Acknowledge that it is okay not to be perfect, expand your own limitations and unfamiliar zones to step into starting something new. Lifelong learning separates those who will continue to rise in the fields from those who are content to just float along.

There is a concept in Zen Buddhism called “shoshin” or “beginner’s mind”, which means being open to learning more no matter what level of success you have achieved. When you approach your work with vigor, you work knowing there is always something new to learn.

3. Execution is the game

The ‘what if’ loop permeates the minds of many. Worrying, overthinking and anxiety create a state of paralysis in which you fail to act. When you do act, you own the consequences. The accomplishments or downfalls are the greatest feedback, gifts and experiences. When you detach from the outcome, execution is the decision where your confidence will grow.

4. Getting in the trenches

Building a surplus of experiences only results from putting yourself out there and taking risks. A disciplined practice and a commitment to growth enhances your self-confidence because “repetition is the mother of all skill” no matter the endeavor.

5. Practice presence

When you tap into your true self, you experience self confidence as your ground state. Through the practice of being present in the moment, the voices of doubt, indecision and fear soften to distant whispers. From this state, you tap into your internal resources as a platform for achievement and fulfilment.

Practicing mindfulness can have significant benefits for your physical and psychological well being. Notice your breath flowing and bring awareness to your other sensations – what you see, what you hear, what you smell, and taste.

Visualize your confidence in your mind’s eye by seeing yourself speaking on a stage or doing the activity for which you require more confidence. Allow the feelings of comfortable presence to pervade your body and mind.

“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.” – Mother Teresa

6. Say ‘no’

Confident people know that saying ‘no’ is healthy. They own their ‘no’ with confidence as it is in alignment with who they are, their values and what they stand for. Saying ‘no’ to new commitments honors your existing priorities.

7. Knowledge breeds confidence

Tapping into mentorship boosts confidence. Accessing the knowledge, experience and wisdom of a person who has walked the path less travelled allows you to focus your energy more effectively and efficiently. Successful CEO’s continue to study from the masters. Whether it’s attending conferences, watching TED talks or engaging a mentor. By studying the best in your field, you can up your game.

8. What would Kanye do?

Confident people are not afraid to stretch their limits and set the bar high. Kanye West claiming to run for President in the 2024 elections should not be taken lightly as he strongly holds his belief in his own ability to succeed. Setting the bar too low or not acting will slowly but surely allow self-doubt to creep back in. Every time you find yourself holding yourself back, just ask yourself, ‘what would Kanye do?”

“You are now watching the greatest living rockstar on the planet.” – Kanye West

9. Deliberate practice

World-class titans don’t ever rest. Deliberate practice trumps natural talent. If you are unsure about your ability to do something, start by trying on the skills in a safe setting. Preparation builds confidence over time. Getting out of your own way by asking for help is confidence in learning. When you tap into your own value and how you can add value to others, confidence is no longer about self-promotion. You invest your energy and your being in how you can add value to another human being. It’s no longer about you.

10. Get your power pose on

Wonder Woman power posing has been all the rage over the last 5 years. Amy Cuddy, Harvard Psychologist, did a TED Talk and discussed how your body language governs how you think and feel about youself. For instance, commanding a powerful stance can make you feel more powerful. When you keep your body relaxed and open, your confidence starts to rise. A further academic paper published in 2018 by Cuddy, provided ample evidence that adopting an expansive posture makes people feel more powerful. Before your next interview, strike a power pose.

Confidence turns thought to action. Confidence is a building block in an impactful career and embracing it will take you places you never thought possible.

How do you increase your self-confidence? Let us know in the comments below?

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https://addicted2success.com/life/10-principles-to-harness-your-self-confidence-that-lives-within-you/

3 Secrets to Getting Along With People You Can’t Stand

Whether in your work or personal life, getting along with people you’re surrounded by can be challenging at best. The inability to get along with people you may not like can have a big impact on your future. In your personal life it might be tension with an in-law (or three) that adds undue stress to your marriage or other important relationships.

In business it may be that you aren’t getting along with your boss. At best, this can make your day-to-day work environment unpleasant, but this could also have a negative impact on your career as a whole. Learning to communicate and get along with others is vital to our success.

Getting along with people you don’t like doesn’t imply defeat, giving in or compromise, it’s a way of getting through life without constantly banging your head against the wall and being miserable in situations where you could, at the very least, be at ease.

So whether you’re a work-at-home parent like me or you spend your week surrounded by people in a busy office environment, here are three ways that you can use to get along with people you don’t like:

1. Take a look in the mirror

The first step to getting along with others is knowing that you can’t change anyone but yourself. It doesn’t do any good to try and change someone. In fact, this will most likely make matters worse. And trying to make someone change their behavior is nothing less than manipulation; and who likes being manipulated?

If there’s something that someone does on a regular basis that gets on your last nerve, take a look in the mirror and consider that this behavior just might be something that you engage in and aren’t particularly proud of. We’ve all done things or act in ways that we’re not happy with. And when we see others act similarly this might be cause for us to lash out or contend with this person. It’s been found that one of the main reasons people lash out is to renew a sense of confidence.  

Next time “that person” (you know who they are), does something to tick you off, pause and ask yourself if what they did is really that bad or just something that hits close to home regarding your own patterns.

“Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” – Bob Marley

2. Avoid trigger topics

There’s a good reason that you don’t discuss politics or religion at a dinner party. These are sensitive topics and people tend to have very strong opinions about them. I’ve seen people get into bitter arguments because they sit on opposite sides of the fence politically speaking. Suddenly one’s accusing the other of lacking sensitivity because they voted for someone they didn’t like.

Five minutes earlier they were laughing together and now they’re making comments they can never come back from. Even when someone agrees with 90% it’s the other 10% that can set off an explosive argument.

But it’s not just politics or religion that might set someone off. Anything from how to raise your kids to what you should be eating and anything in between can induce an argument. Especially when tension already exists in a relationship.

We’ve all been guilty of intentionally pushing someone’s buttons and we know what it’s like for someone to push ours. You know exactly what to say to get someone’s goad. It might even seem amusing, but what it’s doing is creating more and more tension in the relationship.

If you want to start getting along with someone you usually can’t stand being around, consider the topics you argue over and avoid them if possible. Start taking note of some common ground you have and focus there instead.

“Never above you. Never below you. Always beside you.” – Walter Winchell

3. Stay clear on social media

There are certainly benefits to social media, but social media platforms like Facebook and Twitter can also be breeding grounds for intense debates. I’ve seen people display their worst side on social media. Maybe it’s because they feel insulated since they aren’t engaging in face-to-face conversations. It’s easy to share your political views or lash out at someone because of theirs when you’re sitting behind a computer or mobile device.

If you have someone in your life you’d rather not be around, then why are you following them on social media? It’s simple to block content and “unfollow” someone on any social media platform. Continuing to tweet and comment with or about people you don’t like only adds to your stress.

So, if you’re ready to get along better with people you don’t like then follow these three steps. Not only will you have a better time being around them, you might even find enough common ground to enjoy their company. You can at least start by tolerating them, but it will never happen without effort on your part.

How do you deal with people you can’t stand? Comment below!

from
https://addicted2success.com/life/3-secrets-to-getting-along-with-people-you-cant-stand/

The Critics Are Wrong: Personal Development Is Not A Bunch Of Baloney

There’s been a lot of haters of late talking out against personal development. They say that people spreading positivity and telling you to grow as a person are full of the proverbial brown stuff.

They call advocates of personal development like myself self-help gurus.

All of this is BS.

 

The real reason there are critics of personal development.

First off, there’s no conspiracy here. There isn’t some secret plan to overthrow the personal development movement and burn every copy of Think And Grow Rich that has ever been printed.

Here’s why the critics are bagging personal development:

It’s easier to be different than it is to be better. BEING DIFFERENT IS HOW YOU GAIN ***ATTENTION***

The reason people are bagging personal development is because they want to go against the vast majority that sees value in some or all of what personal development offers.

Being a critic of personal development is the modern-day version of rebelling and listening to punk music like some of you did in the 80’s (not me, I’m a 90’s kid…haha).

More than that, being a critic is how you get the intravenous drip of followers, attention, likes, comments and eyeballs. The issue is not personal development at all.

 

I advocate for personal development because it works.

In 2011, my life was up shit creek without a paddle. If it weren’t for the whole personal development movement, I would never have got out of the deep hole I was in.

I’m not sure what might have happened, but I hate to think. My mind was going into meltdown and I had nothing but disturbing thoughts.

Through a series of books and one event I attended in person, I began to see another way. I saw a tiny bit of light within all of the darkness.

As I continued to become obsessed with growing and the tools that personal development teaches, everything changed.

I now teach others about what I learned because it works. It hasn’t just worked for me; it’s worked for so many people in my life.

I also get hundreds of messages a week across all the different social media channels from people who have experienced a significant change in their life thanks to personal development. Personal development works.

Here are the benefits of personal development:

 

1. We’re all searching for meaning

That’s why personal development focuses on finding what brings you joy and what gives you meaning in life.

Finding meaning is an enormous task but we have a lifetime to discover it. Some people call it meaning, other people call it purpose and it can even be referred to as having a vision.

Whatever you want to call it, searching for meaning is an incredibly powerful way to enhance your human experience and go all in. Finding meaning is how you find the extra energy and motivation to keep going when things get tough.

I’ve personally had so much joy out of helping to inspire the world through entrepreneurship and personal development. Everything I do is centered around that purpose and it’s become the meaning of my life.

Not sure what there is to hate about that.

 

2. We get to grow together

Many of the bloggers that share my love of personal development have reached out to me over the last year. Each of us wants to make a difference and leave a legacy behind.

I have Skype calls with Nicolas Cole, Benjamin Hardy, Joel Brown, Anthony Moore and the list goes on. Each of us shares ideas and tools with each other.

Personal development has brought us together and our individual growth has compounded because we’ve grown together. That’s the power of going beyond yourself and sharing what you have with people that want to make a difference.

 

3. Helping others is fulfilling

There’s no shortage in the personal development movement of advice that centers around helping other people.

Rather than following our selfish desires and only doing the things that serve ourselves, personal development encourages us to take things to the next level.

It teaches how getting what you want is tied to helping other people get what they want.

“If I were to distill it down to one thing, it would be this: personal development is about embracing our human nature and the philosophy that we’re all interconnected”

Can’t see anything wrong with this personally but hey, what the hell right?

 

4. Chasing passions

Why not do what we love?

If this is bad advice then freaking shoot me now and let’s be done with it. A lot of what the personal development movement advocates is to do more of what we love.

The crux of personal development is that doing something we love removes friction and allows you to be creative at something we’re highly likely to become good at (with practice).

The critics say that doing what we love is near impossible and that it’s woo-woo clap your hands and sing kumbaya talk. They think we want to go hug a tree because we believe in doing stuff we love.

I’d rather you try and do something you love and fail, than have you do work you hate or live a life of meaningless to-do lists which leads to regrets later on.

 

5. The trap of money is exposed

A lot of what the personal development movement teaches is that money won’t make you happy. Nowhere does it say that money is not important though.

Encouraging fulfillment, goals, purpose and selflessness is far better than selling you the dream that a house, car, clothes, shoes, a partner that looks like a model - will make you happy. It won’t.

Knowing how to think about money so it doesn’t sabotage your success is a gift we should all be given. So many of us still haven’t got this gift yet. There’s a lot of work to be done.

 

6. A focus on giving up bad habits

You’ll hear the phrase “giving up” in personal development a lot. That’s because a lot of your habits are not serving you.

Knowing what is holding you back, and then giving it up, is how you make room for the habits that will serve you.

There’s nothing wrong with encouraging people to think differently and analyze what they’re already doing to see if it can be adjusted.

Habits are spoken about a lot because execution and doing the work is how you get what you want. You need habits to ensure you reach your goals, get what you want and grow as a person. Nothing meaningful can be achieved without positive habits.

 

7. Less is more

The traditional advice is to keep adding more things to your never-ending to-do list and calendar and to buy more stuff. By the end, you have so much information in your mind, a to-do list that never ends and a home full of ‘stuff.’

The personal development movement is teaching us to understand how focus can change everything in our life. Focus comes from taking away items, tasks and people that don’t serve us.

The advice seems harsh and impossible to follow but it’s not. What is holding us back is the volume of ideas, thoughts and objects we have to deal with on a daily basis. What we all need is more space.

“Creativity, business and life thrive in empty space”

We can reach this place through embracing the idea that less is more.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

from
https://addicted2success.com/success-advice/the-critics-are-wrong-personal-development-is-not-a-bunch-of-baloney/